


Fangirl

by bridge2X



Category: Ylvis
Genre: No Romance, Other, Real Life, fan character, just pretty much realistic, meeting Ylvis, no bro feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 14:13:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4669622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bridge2X/pseuds/bridge2X
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This one isn't so much of a 'fan fiction' more like a fictive fan report...<br/>It's when you imagine how it's like to randomly run into Ylvis in your hometown. Admit, you all have at some point! Here is my personal version of it - I kind of made a brain striptease for you so I hope you can relate to my fantasy.</p><p>...for the slow minded : No, this never happened! It could, easily...but it didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fangirl

I am relived to leave the bus. It's hot and all those sweating people disgust me.  
I hate going by bus but I have an appointment with my dentist.  
Lazily I walk down the crowded street, trying to stay in the shadows. It's getting easier now that it is afternoon.  
I pass one of those camera teams, what ever they are filming...I don't care too much.  
It's nothing too special in a big city like ours. I smile when I see the familiar red square with the white N in it. TV Norge...

What?

I freeze. Why on earth is a Norwegian tv team filming here in a German city?  
Could it be? No way! 

I turn around slowly to not show too much interest, just in case. My pulse is slightly rising in excitement when I carefully check out what they are filming.

I takes a moment before I find out, but then I see him.  
Bård. In a white t-shirt and those beige trousers I hate. My heart skips a beat.

He's trying to hand out little thingies I cannot recognise clearly to random people passing him by. And Vegard? Oh, he's there too - of course! Standing in the entrance of a shop, waiting for his turn with a melodica in his hand.

What are they up to there? I need to find out! 

I pick myself a lamppost to lean on - in the shadow, otherwise my face will become deep red within minutes and I don't want to look like an idiot, if I get a chance to talk to them.

After a while I understand what they are trying to do there, not very successfully, though. They give up and come back to my side of the street where the cameraman and the sound guy await them, right next to me. I grin and Bård realises that I am observing them. He frowns.

"Hi, what you're doing here?" I ask in Norwegian. 

Actually I can barely say more than that. After all this time I still understand the language much better than I speak. But I want them to understand that I know who they are.

"Oi!" 

Vegard turns around and smiles at me, asks if I'm a fellow Norwegian.  
No, I'm not. I switch into English, Norwegian is too challenging for me.  
I'm only a random fan who was lucky to find them. Probably one of those very few they have in this country. Unbelievable coincidence. Their bad, they're spotted. 

Bård points at me and pinches his eyes.

"Aww, I know you! You were at some of last year's meet and greet! You were the one who gave us those graphics...and, wait you had a Swedish name...Annika!"

Well, not exactly! I laugh. Swedish was a good guess but - he remembers! Oh god! I knew it would pay off to have an outstanding gift for them

"Fuck!"

He grins at his fail and claps his hands.

"Ah, yeah...right!

Vegard says he remembers too. He's pretending, I can see that but I don't care. Where's the point in it? He does not even remember his own lyrics.

I ask if I'm allowed to watch them for while. I don't want to be annoying.

"Aah, sure!"

Vegard gives me a wide smile and briefly strokes my arm. Bård opens his mouth to say something but closes it again immediately. Obviously he has an idea.  
He turns around to their crew and they talk in Norwegian for a while.  
I fight hard to understand what it is about but they are just too fast!  
Finally Bård turns back to me, rubbing his nose while asking.

"Do you think you may have some time to do us a favor? We could use something like a local scout, something like that..."

Sure I have time! Who needs a dentist?

They explain to me what they are trying to do.  
It's a bit different from what I thought. I have to promise them not to share it, to keep it secret. Of course I will, I would never do something to disappoint them!  
Anyway, it doesn't seem to work out here where there are filming currently.  
They ask me if I know an area where it is more 'big city'? More 'ghetto'?

"Oh, you mean like where I live?"

I describe what its like there.

"Jaah, perfect!" Bård gives me a fist bump.

"Can you lead us there?"

"It will be my pleasure! I guess you will be much more successful with your little game there. People are way more laid back and have more sense of humour in my neighborhood. But on the other hand you have to watch out to not piss off the wrong folks there...it is actually very ghetto -ish!"

"That's what we need you for!" 

Bård winks at me. Damn, he probably could talk a woman into selling her soul! 

He introduces their team to me. Ole and Bengt. Then we go to their van, parking half a block away.  
Vegard drives, Bengt takes the passengers seat. I sit behind him, leaning forward and trying to navigate Vegard through the jungle of big city traffic to this square that I think would be the best place.  
He murmurs little curses every once in a while, the rudeness of German traffic seems to surprise him. It makes me laugh impulsively and he joins before he starts a long- winded tirade of how stupid it is to act in traffic like some people do.  
I love him! He is exactly how I imagined him to be! 

Bård fumbles his phone meanwhile, talking with Ole every now and then. I don't dare to look at him too often, it would be embarrassing. But I love knowing that he is there...

After twenty minutes of driving we come to the district I live in.  
Its hard to find a parking space but we do find.  
Here is where I'm home, I know where to go to! A street, a place, lots of cafes, very multi -cultural, a bit dirty though. Okay, actually more than just a bit but they wanted ghetto. Well, here you go!

They like it - and here they are much more successful too.  
People join their little game and some find it funny, those who get it.  
At one point there's an old woman who gets upset because she feels bullied but Vegard can charm her into a smile although they don't understand each other at all.  
I'm so proud of them, I feel like they are my very own! Well, no one knows them here so it is like that, sort of!  
I love to watch them working so very much, that's all I ever wanted. To witness the process of filming is double as cool as seeing the finished product!  
I talk a bit with Ole, the sound guy. He doesn't have much to do currently, for they wear hidden microphones. Later, maybe tomorrow, they will do some stuff where he's much more needed. He's nice and I don't feel so very clumsy talking to him because he's just a guy. Not like talking to Bård - he still wipes my brain blank.

Doing that I completely miss the group of young Turkish guys strolling out of the subway. 

They are a handful, between fifteen and twenty, not even a gang or something, just a few guys hanging out. Which is even worse, because they are bored. 

They don't see Bård or Vegard, all they see is Bengt with his camera and one of them gets annoyed because this camera is pointing in their direction. Bengt doesn’t even recognize them, he's doing his work.

"What's up with you? Who you film, dude?" 

The guy places himself in front of Bengt as if he's a bouncer. 

God, just go away, idiot! 

Bengt explains in English what he's doing and that he's not filming them at all.

"Huh? Just you talk clearly to me, English -fucker!"

He's not good at speaking English, I could have told that beforehand!  
Probably he didn't put too much effort in school education. Those kids rarely do - nowhere for them to go afterwards so what's the point in it?  
I'd better go over there and try to mediate.

"Hey man, calm down! He's not English, he's Norwegian, you know? 

I'm telling him, wiseass that I am. As if he cares!  
I try to explain that they shoot a sketch for a Norwegian tv show but he's not interested.  
He wants to fight, that's what he's up to.

The brothers come over too and Bård lays a hand on Bengt's chest, trying to push him away. Vegard is quiet, seems kinda invisible, he's too short and too dark, sort of disappears into the surroundings. Good, something less to worry about! 

I'm getting nervous. The guy demands me to tell them they don't want to be filmed. 

I say they haven't but these little fuckers all say they saw it and they want it to be deleted. 

Bengt replies there's nothing to be deleted and that he wants them to move on so that we can continue. I think he should just show them what he filmed, that would convince them and we hopefully get out of this. 

Bård tells Bengt quietly in Norwegian to go somewhere else instead, the kids heat each other up in Turkish. God, so many languages, my head is about to explode! I don't even know what to tell whom in which language.  
"Can't you just leave it?" I ask the bully in German.

He does not even take notice of that, tries to take the camera out of Bengt's hands instead. 

That is too much! That thing is expensive and he'll never let that happen!

"Don't you touch my camera!"

He's a tall man and now his body language makes it clear that the other one has taken this too far.

"Or else what?"

Now a slimmer guy steps in front. He knows English and seems to be somewhat smarter on the whole but nevertheless aggressive.

"I'm gonna show you what else!"

Bengt is really pissed off now, not willing to let himself be attacked by kids like these.  
Bård is still trying to pull him away but he's not listening. 

This is getting out of hand, I can see that.  
I look around for any kind of support, maybe a police car driving by. They come along here regularly.

"Yeah? So show me, man!"

Suddenly there's a knife, coming out of nowhere.

"Come on over with your toothpick!"

Bengt is taking a step backwards but still can't keep his mouth shut.

"Stop this! Right now!"

I hiss at him furiously. Such an idiot!

Bård shoves his shoulder between them to hold him back while Bengt thrusts forward again.

It's just one quick movement forward and all comes to a hold.

Bård looks down with a confused expression on his face. 

A red flower is growing on his white shirt at the right side of his lower stomach. 

As fast as the knife had been there it disappears again. We all stare at him without a sound.

"Fæn!"

He himself breaks the silence and touches the wound very carefully.

An older Turk comes running out of an internet cafe and yells at the youngsters, telling them that he called the police.  
They turn around and leave.  
Walking, not running, they're too cool for that.

I awkwardly take out my phone and try to call an ambulance. The guy from the internet cafe tells me I don't have to, he took care of that too.  
I'm glad, my hands are shaking so hard that I can barely hold the phone. 

He comes with tissues from his first aid kit for Bård to press against his stomach.

Bård. 

I hold my breath looking at him. He sits on the stairs of a house, leaning slightly forward. 

Blood, so much blood on his hands and his shirt. And he's pale, god, he's so pale! I breathe against my quickly rising panic. 

I must tell him what he means to me in case he dies! 

Wow, I should get a grip, it's not quite like me being hysterical like that!  
There's no room for my stupidity really. 

Vegard sits beside his brother, a hand in the back of his neck, quietly talking to him. Ole takes the equipment and takes it back to the van and Bengt just stands there, hands in his pockets, looking so sorry. 

He fucking should! It's all his fault!  
Or maybe not completely.  
Maybe it's my fault, I should never have brought them here!

The police arrives first. I prepare myself to talk to them but the cafe guy is a real help.  
He saw everything and he knows who those self-made gangsters are. They're known here.  
I'm happy about it, my brain is still busy with panic. 

The policemen only come to all of us to take down our personal info. 

Then the ambulance is there, finally.  
They lead Bård inside the car and take care of him there.  
Vegard stays with him. 

When they are about to leave for the hospital I ask where they are taking him.

"We can go there with the van, I know where it is."

Ole and Bengt agree, so we go back to the vehicle.  
I offer to drive for I know the way but then I sit behind the steering wheel, hands cramped around it and just stare out the front window.

"Hey, everything alright?"

Ole sounds worried.

"Yeah...I guess! I just can't remember how to go there anymore!"

Which is stupid, it's a five-minute drive - I know! But my brain is blank. 

I sit there for a whole minute before the memory returns.  
They let me have my time without saying a word. They understand and they don't look too much better to be honest.

At the hospital we go straight to the emergency area and there we have to wait.  
No information for us, just waiting. 

I get myself something to drink and then lean my back against the wall, sliding down until I squat. I rest my forehead on my hands and stare down on the uneven design of the linoleum. 

I don't know how long I sit there, trying to imagine a world without those two incredible men in it, for what reason ever.  
It will be my fault - if it weren't for me they would never have come here to this fucked up district!

All the other girls will hate me for it.  
My head brings me there where I imagine how the threads and blogs will go wild, who would hold what against me - all not to deal with the thought of how I would feel if they were gone.

After an eternity someone comes to stand in front of me.

"Hey... "

A deep, calm voice. Vegard.

I lift my head and look at him.  
He gazes down at me, turns around and walks away.  
He cannot stand talking to me, I ruined it all! 

After ten seconds he's back with a bunch of tissues in his hand.  
He gets down in front of me and pulls me up by my elbows. My legs feel like rubber after squatting for so long. 

Awkwardly he crumples the tissues into a ball and rubs it over my face. I didn't even notice that I cried.

"It's okay, its over now!...uh, I mean he's okay now. It wasn't even that bad!"

"But ...all the blood!"

"I know, looked awful, huh? The nurse told me it mainly looked like that because of his white shirt. The knife didn't hit any important part of him. He doesn’t even need proper surgery, they just sew him together, sort of."

The relief is too much.  
I sob uncontrollably, liquids splashing out of all the orifices of my face.  
I grab the tissue ball and press it against my mouth and nose to not disgust him too much.

He presses my forehead against his shoulder and pats my head. We're almost the same height.  
He laughs a bit with the calming voice of his.

"It's ok, I almost did the same just now!"

"You did?"

I try to get control over my emotions again.

"Yeah, I had a serious laugh attack for about five minutes!"

I look at him doubtfully and we both start to giggle.  
I try to hold myself together but it only takes seconds before we both burst out laughing like crazy.

"Seriously! That idiot! Throwing himself between a man half a head higher than him and a knife! Who does he think he is? Batman?"

Oh god, laughing is so much better than crying!  
After all that's what they are in this world for, aren't they?  
I can't even express how much I admire this man. He couldn't be any more authentic! 

Finally we manage to keep our faces straight again.

"You wanna see him?"

I nod. Of course I do!

When we come to the treatment room the police is about to leave. Certainly they had a whole lot more questions.

Bård sits upright on the edge of the table where they fixed him, now wearing Vegard's dark grey hoodie over a bare chest - open, because it's so hot. On his right side there is a huge white square of gauze, fixed with medical tape. On the edge of his pants I can see brown stains from the blood.  
When he sees me he raises his hand and gives me a half of a smirk. 

"Heeeey.... did you cry?"

Damn, it's still visible!

"Yeah, sorry...I feel so damn guilty!"

"If anyone should, then it's me!"

Bengt still looks like a mess, mentally. Fine with me, I'm mad at him.

"Now stop that! None of you stabbed a knife into my stomach!"

Bård is right. I ask him how he feels instead. He says he's fine. They pricked a lot of needles into his body for various reasons and now he's looking forward to tomorrow.

"So you plan to continue taping tomorrow?"

"Naaah...probably not what we did today but we have some other plans on our list."

"Yeah, top on our list is to take you home tomorrow!"

Vegard is kind of mad at him but not for real, so it seems.  
Bård frowns and stares into his eyes for three seconds.

"We'll see."

"Yeah, you'll see!"

"However... when we continue to work in this amazing city we would be happy if you found the time to guide us. Interested?"

I'm so interested I can hardly tell, but he probably knows anyway. My ears are burning.  
He hands me his phone to let me type in my email so he can contact me if they need me.

"Oh, and we would love to invite you to our premier of this year! I'm gonna send you two tickets when the show is set, okay?"

So okay! I will not tell them that I would have been there anyway...they don't need to know! A personal invitation is far more special, they possibly will take some minutes to talk to me.  
We're done for now.

"Hug?"

Bård spreads his arms.  
God, is he serious? With...his bare chest and everything?  
A tiny squeak escapes my throat as I spread my arms in return. Vegard grins.

"Ugh, careful!"

He fends back a bit when our bodies touch.

We hold each other for a moment very lightly and I come to think that it is... no, it's not cool, not at all! But every time he will look down on his stomach for the rest of his life the memory of how he got this scar will include me a little bit.

I smile and let him go.

Okay, I'm ruined for any other man! It will be him for the rest of my life. 

I hug Vegard too and it makes me happy how honestly he smiles at me when he pinches my cheek playfully.

In a few months we're gonna meet again and I will live for that moment...

**Author's Note:**

> To clarify - I am not having any prejudice regarding Turkish or Muslim people in general. I am only telling things as they are in my district! I love to live there but it can be dangerous at times...


End file.
